Well hello there.
My name is Becca if you didn’t already know that. I’m 28, turning 29 this year. And for apparently the most important factoid about me my relationship status: I am single.
Old maid, comin’ through. Beep beep.
Your late 20’s is a weird time. There are apparently a lot of rules and regulations I have to abide by and boxes I have to squeeze into.
I’ve heard it all.
“You don’t get out there enough.”
“You’re not trying hard enough.”
“I’ll feel better about my boyfriend being around girls like you once he has a ring on his finger.” A friend said this to me. Also…girls like me?!
Coworker: “Are you on the apps?” Me: “No, I’m not. It’s just not my style.” Coworker: “Oh, so you don’t want kids.”
Are you actually serious? Just curious. No, really. I want to know when you ask these questions if you seriously think it’s a kind/constructive/inspiring/helpful/supportive thing to say. Because sheesh – shots fired.
When I was home for Christmas, my grandmother told my parents that I have too close of a relationship with them. Why? “She doesn’t even have a boyfriend. She has no marriage prospects.” Apparently I’m single because I’m close to my family. For the record, I was sitting there while she shamelessly talked about me AND I don’t even live in the same state as my parents so…yeah…definitely gotta blame that single life on my phone calls home.
This is the thing. I know people are coming from a good place. I know they mean well and most of the time, it’s coming from a place that they love me and want me to be happy.
But I want to clear something up.
I’m happy. Happy camper, party of one.
I’m not waiting for my life to start for a man to appear. And the fact that I have to fight the thoughts in my own mind that I know stems from the ideas and ideals of society pains me.
So I’m here, less than a week from Valentine’s day for 2 reasons.
Reason one is for those of you who are in relationships but have single friends:
I love you. I’m so glad that you have found your person. And I appreciate that you want me to find mine, I do. I appreciate the prayers for a husband. I appreciate that you want me to have love in my life. But I want you to know that I’m happy. I trust in God’s timing enough to not force my own. If you’re going to encourage me in my relationship with God so that I can continue to have faith in His timing, then praise be! If you’re going to introduce me to your cute, single, great catch friend – let’s do this.
But I will caution you against:
You’re not trying hard enough.
You have to put yourself out there more.
Stop looking and then you’ll find him.
You have to be right with God first.
You should get on the apps, right away.
Are you worried you won’t have kids?
I’m sure it will happen for you one day.
I’ve had all of these conversations. With trusted confidants, I’m willing to dive into this topic but it’s surprising to me the number of people who I barely know or only know on a professional basis or whatever who think they have all the secrets for me to find a boyfriend. At a company party this year, I had two male, drunk coworkers sit down and tell me why I’m single and how to find a man in LA. “You can’t put out on the first date. A man won’t respect you.” Honestly, not even going to touch this one. There’s too much to unpack but in case it wasn’t clear, THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE. Okuuuuur?!
Reason two is for my fellow human beings who just happen to be single:
You’re awesome. You do not need a significant other to complete you. Your marital status is not as important as anything else in your life. Your life does not start once you say, “I do.” It starts right now. Don’t wait to book the ticket, move across the country, buy the house, get a dog, what have you. Take this time to work on you. The truth of the matter is you will most likely spend much more of your life in a relationship rather than single. So take advantage of the season of life you’re in now.
Just a note that I want to leave here: It is not only okay but perfectly normal to be happy, satisfied, fulfilled, etc being single/independent/on your own/whatever and still want to have someone to share your life with. This is something I’ve struggled with for a couple of years to be honest with you. I thought that in order for me to actually be happy being single, I couldn’t want a relationship. It felt like if you’re so content and happy being single, then why are you looking to be in a relationship..must not be that happy after all. I’m here to debunk that for you, here on the other side of that confusion.
You can be happy being single and still want to share your life with someone. They are not mutually exclusive. Do you need to read that again? That’s fine, I’ll wait.
Listen y’all – Valentine’s day is coming up. A very commercial, Hallmark kind of holiday meant to sell cards, chocolate, and roses for those of you that are coupled up. But instead, I’m just going to focus on love of all kinds. Love for my family. And for my friends. Love for Scout and for the great outdoors. Love for books and pizza and a good movie. I know Valentine’s day can be a trigger day for people who may affectionately refer to it as “Single Awareness Day” but let’s change the meaning. We all have great love in our lives. Whether you’re in a relationship or single, let’s focus on not just romantic love but all the love we’re blessed enough to have fill our lives.
And if all else fails on V-day, grab some girlfriends, split a bottle of wine, and swap dating app horror stories. Just remember, you are where you’re meant to be. God’s timing is perfect in every part of the plan He has for our lives. I’m just hoping His timing eventually leads to a lad with an accent 😉
Love you so big,
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